Are you a conditional lover?

I used to always believe that my love for those dear to me is unconditional. I used to even give myself examples that would prove it. How wrong I was! Love that needs or desires to be proved does not sound unconditional to me. I have heard time and again from others too that their love is unconditional and that they would do anything for the person they love. To me that sounds like an attachment and not love. Attachment binds you to person while love equates to freedom. It is attachment when you desire some form of appreciation for what you gave even if you did not expect the same service to be provided back to you. It is attachment which makes you feel rejected when others do not accept what you want to offer. It comes from a place of need of some sort that is looking to be fulfilled. True love gives and empowers while conditional love gives but also attempts to take some power in return from the receiver even if the giver is not consciously aware of it.

Most people believe that serving others without any expectation in return is a form of unconditional love. Which it can well be, except more often than not it is because we are fulfilling the deep need within us to feel that we are of value. Of course it is not usually because people have selfish intentions but often because they are unaware of the trauma they carry within and when they see someone suffer there is a recognition at a subconscious level of the similar wound of the other and rushing to help is their way of dealing with this trauma that has now surfaced which makes them feel good about themselves. Anything that comes from a place of need is a wound that needs to be healed and not to be mistaken as a form of unconditional love. This is not to say that one should not do anything for others. Being of value to others is a noble trait, however, when we have first learnt to value ourselves from within and are able to love our entire being unconditionally including all its flaws, are we able to truly give unconditionally. This is a continuous learning process and I am on this journey.

A key part of this journey includes becoming an observer of myself. Our emotions are continuously feeding back to us what we are feeling about what we are experiencing. When we feel good about ourself only when are doing things for others it is a good idea to introspect and identify what we are seeking from outside of is and then heal the wound. There are many techniques and modalities that can be used to heal it and EAM is a very useful one which can help you heal it effectively, quickly as well as easily.